Sorrow - Trojan gazed down at the body, feeling his heart shatter with a shock wave felt by his whole soul. Tears chased each other silently down his white face. He closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them again, this scene would be less than a horrible reality. But it was real. It was happening. "No... no... no..." he whispered. His right hand, still holding the bloody sword, was trembling severely. Stricken, Trojan suddenly dropped the weapon as if it burned him, and stared fearfully at that right hand, aghast at what horrific death and keening pain it could cause - at his bidding. His strength seemed to fail him, and he collapsed to the ground, weeping violently and shaking with sobs.
Ok! You got it! This is wonderful and a gripping, intense look at Trojan's emotions. Everybody has 'em and that's what draws readers to the characters in your books. If they like the character and can relate to him/her, they will follow him/her through the entire novel.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I was hard on you, because it so obviously spurred you to grow in your writing. You are a talented, teachable student--a joy to a teacher.
I am wondering why---if Trojan is so hard to show his feelings---why you chose him as your lesson practice. Whatever the reason, you showed us sorrow.
Well done.
I am wondering if Trojan isn't sad due to all the commas littering his finely detailed sorrow?
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee!!! Yeah, he probably is:P
ReplyDelete"I'm going on and I don't know how or why.... ; "