The first draft, keep in mind. It will be better eventually.
Eldarion, king of Gondor rode for his very life under a black sky. Men everywhere were seemingly in a trance, making their way slowly toward the dark castle of Minas Tirith. The king had tried to stop them, but they would not be detained or seemed to notice any of his warnings. But it was what was coming out of the city that worried him more. Orcs that were not tortured elves, but tortured men pursed him hotly and at breakneck speed.
Eldarion was afraid.
Thunder rolled almost constantly as he reached the little town of Osgiliath. More men were walking out, transfixed toward the city, all at the same pace. Their eyes did not move from the city nor did they speak, despite the pleading of their hysterical wives and children who had no power to stop them. Indeed, no one did.
Lightning struck.
The town was in confusion. The king rode in, looking about wildly. No one seemed to notice him through the wailing of the women and the screaming because of the approaching ocs.
Wind Blew.
A old woman opened her door and saw him. "Great King! Come inside! We will hide you!" Eldarion lept off his horse and it fled in fear. The king ran into the dwelling and the woman locked the door, and proceeded to close all the curtains. Her husband stood near, his sword drawn. Their son clung to his father, an eight year old lad with wide, jet-black eyes. "I put you all in danger! The orcs want me!"
"Say nothing of it, Your Highness. We are put in danger either way." The woman beckoned him to a secret door in the floorboards. Eldarion leaped in. He heard Orcs in the village. He heard grunts, smashing of glass, doors being splintered, and people screaming in terror.
They were being slain.
The King pushed the trapdoor open in anger and quickly climbed out. "My Lord!" The woman loudly whispered. "No! You will be killed!"
"It is my life they want! Not those of my people!" he ran to the door. The young boy poked his head fearfully out from under the bed only to unintentionally haunt Eldarion with his deep, frightened eyes. Before the king could turn the doorknob, he heard the boy cry, "Father? Father no!" and emerge from hiding to grab the old man's cloak. The man was walking toward the black city, eyes staring straight ahead. The woman tried also to hinder him, but orcs were upon the house. The woman pushed her son into the trapdoor while her husband walked out of the house. She ran to follow him. "No!" the King called, but it was too late. The orcs slew her. He gritted his teeth and prepared to charge into the pack of orcs, but he felt his foot being grasped. Two surprisingly strong hands jerked him into the hatch and locked the door.
Thunder rolled.
So there ya have it. What happens next.... not telling.
Awsome as always...keep it up!
ReplyDeleteand I didn't know that Mom hasn't read that part. Oh, never mind!
That's some good stuff!
Uh, I think it is prolly a very good idea for me to not read that since I haven't read the others....
ReplyDeleteluvya anyway, :P
EMY
um, I read it but I *don't* get it...
ReplyDelete~emy
thats okey, ya don't have to. But I thik it's great!
ReplyDeleteTell Mal Emy says happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteGO MEGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOf course, that stuff would go wild on a forum...you should look into that. :P
I like it..but, I have to say this: It's still not quite as...Tolkien and Tolkien's was...you know? The pace of the story seems a bit different...but, that's fine. :P Okay, there's my criticism...
Luv ya,
Hannah